Baby language and the false sense of security.

Some of you might have heard about Dunstan Baby Language. So here is how I understand this and you are welcome to waist your own time researching the issue on the web. She claims that she figured out what babies are saying and how based on the sounds they make you can figure out whether they want to be fed, or changed, or put to sleep, etc. Sounds like a great idea aside from the fact that I that it is not. What worse is that it gives you the false feeling of knowing what is going on and then you are insisting on what you think your baby wants while she might want something else.

To give you an example of how your baby might experience your attempt at using this new set of skills think about ordering food in France. Option one – you don’t know French, and although the waiter knows English he is not going to indulge you (probably because you are a guy, and are not making enough of an effort to fit in because you are not wearing a beret). But eventually you find a solution and just point at some lines on the menu. Option two – you have taken some French and in your well manicured French accent you are telling the waiter that you want a Caravan, while being absolutely sure that you are ordering a “Coq au vin”? I am pretty sure that the former option will get you some food, while the latter will get you thrown out.

Similarly, you might think that what your baby is telling you is that she wants to be burped (Eh sound), while she really wants to be fed (Neh sound). But since you are absolutely sure that you know her wishes because she TOLD you what she wants you are pounding on the back of a screaming baby until someone with less chutzpah or lower threshold for misery takes her away from you.

But don’t worry I have a solution. Since there are only five words in the baby language (According to Wikipedia page on the subject) you can eliminate the causes of discomfort scientifically – one by one.